I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
