I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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