cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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