So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
