She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
