OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
