she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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