i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Come on in and take your pants off
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
