Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
