The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
