I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
