You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
