He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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