My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
