He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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