i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
