my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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