So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
