apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
