She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
