i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
