If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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