woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
