the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
