Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
