we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
