That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
