Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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