positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
