i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
