I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
