Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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