That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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