This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
