Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
