Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
