God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
