ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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