My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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