did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
