She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
