Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
