Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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