Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
