thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
