3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
