Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
