Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I believe in your delicious
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
