Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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