Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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