and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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