I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
