420 ftw
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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